That includes a year of 'IsayKitsune', my infamous prose poetry concept album of a journal... at least I know I'm not alone - this comic artist I follow on Twitter n' Tumblr called Kate Leth, she's guilty of having committed a similar crime back in the day.
I went on this little time traveling episode of rereading old entries because of some AFP tweet doing the rounds about 'where were you on april 13 2006?'. Myself, I was on a fairly awesome road trip R and I took through the southwest just after her father died. We'd been to Nogales, I remember buying a huge bunch of paper flowers... and that has me hearkening back to my first trip there with someotherathena and her mom. That time I bought a cowskull which would adorn my teenage room replete with chile pepper lights and make our neighbours certain I practiced Satanism...
I read some more entries... sigh. The more things change the more they stay the same.
Some of my worries from back then have traded places with worries that are such dead ringers I have to sort of shrug in disaffected horror at my ability to perceive patterns like that from where I am now.
I could say I wish I was closer to achieving my goals... pretty much the same goals I'm doggedly chasing after now. I could also say I wish I'd followed through on some ideas I had back then. At the time I felt so critical, like everything I thought of seemed half-formed at best. Looking at it now I want to smack my former self and say 'NO! This idea right here, AS IS, it's good enough, it's fucking GREAT even, just make it for fucks sake!!!!'
There are other things I know I would've edited or recoloured memory wise if they weren't recorded here for posterity... (and thank the gods that on here I wrote for some kind of audience, such as it is and was, as my private journalings tend towards repetitive whining and endless odd self portraits)
I miss the days when this place really felt like a community for me. It made it feel like a cafe where we all got to hang out - especially wonderful since Credjeep and Min were far away physically for much of that time.
Of course, some people are gone. Other people just aren't talking to me. I comment far less on peoples journals. R all but abandoned LJ and stops by once or twice a year to flash her tits at the void...
I don't write demented Nuada Fanfic anymore, or spend my spare time scrolling through the latest pics of McAvoy. (oh yeah, I suppose I've merely traded that for gifs of Ben Whishaw on Tumblr;) see what I mean about patterns?
Well, it may not be what it once was, but I guess I like knowing it's all here, and that I can howl at the moon and three or so other people might even hear.
Anyway I love you guys.
Songs of Now:
Everything about you is new - Massive Attack
Darlin' Darlin' - Pillowfight
3 Bit Blues - Kid Koala
Where are we now? - Bowie